Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We need to rekindle our bromance
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
