You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just had sex on a roof
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
