My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
