after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
a search helicopter?!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
