omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
