i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
