just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize