I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
