That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
