Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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