I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
