You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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