When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
