She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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