im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
