Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
