You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
