My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im holly from the hills drunk
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
