you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize