meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
