I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
