Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
