filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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