My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
