If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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