I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
