Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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