I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
