my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
