I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
