I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
