There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
