I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
