i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
