I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
