every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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