Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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