i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
FUCK WHALES
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