So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
