i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
