Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
