SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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