how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
