Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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