You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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