I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
