i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
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Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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