I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
