Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
