how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
