it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This is my life. Enjoy the view
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
