i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
