Ambien. No doubt about it.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize
