I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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