currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
