i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
