so explain again why im purple
no
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
