my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
