I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
