Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
