Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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