I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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