i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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