Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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