he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
