what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
