Taylor Swift is so right about you.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
