So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
