Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
