i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
