I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
