Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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