The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
