I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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