Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
