I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
