how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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