You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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