Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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