Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
