There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
