There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
