One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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