Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
