i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
