There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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