If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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